Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
