You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
