I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She needs sedatives and a leash
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
