It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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