This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize