oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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