whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize