so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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