I'm so fucking centered right now
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he puts the penis in happiness.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
