i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize