how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
