dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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