Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
