apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize