My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
