you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
