Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
