man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
