MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
