When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
