hotel room ftw
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
