If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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