dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
