ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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