I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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