So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
