I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
