I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
