Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
