watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
