Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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