a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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