chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
