I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
