who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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