So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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