There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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