I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
