she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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