there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
