Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
