I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
