If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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