I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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