He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
