my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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