i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
