yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
