She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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