We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize