shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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