My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
