Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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