you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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