you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
