May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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