i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It was confusing and full of hummus
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
