How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hippo gnu deer
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
