she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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