2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize