for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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