I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
