if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
