I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize
