idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
