I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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