The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
