i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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