Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
